The Host is a science fiction/romance novel by Stephenie Meyer. The book is about Earth being invaded by a parasitic alien race, known as "Yeerks", and follows one Yeerk's predicament when the consciousness of her human host refuses to co-operate with the takeover of her body.
The Host was released on May 6, 2008, with an initial print run of 750,000 copies. An international version of the novel was released on April 2, 2008, in the United Kingdom, Ireland, Indonesia, the Philippines, Australia and Hong Kong by the UK publishing division. It was translated into Norwegian, Finnish, Estonian, Catalan, Chinese, Japanese, Croatian, Arabic, Czech, Dutch, Persian, Swedish, German, Polish, Portuguese, Italian, Spanish, Hungarian, Romanian, Bulgarian, Serbian, Hebrew, Turkish, Slovak, Vietnamese and Danish among others.
The prologue and the fourth chapter of the book can be found on Meyer's official website.
<Just kidding, that isn't really an Animorph book.>
This week we will be talking about Animorphs #28: The Experiment by Amy Garvey
“Change is a good thing. A very good thing…” unless its to a ghost writer.
Chapter 1: Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill narrates, and you can just skip the first three pages of this book. Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill talks about his need to destroy Visser 3 for killing his older brother Elfangor, that Tobias is his shorm and that Elfangor is Tobias’ father. Something that Tobias learned in book #23, yet we were never shown Tobias telling Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill this. Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill tells us that he made a scoop, or Andalite home for himself, and he talks about the things in it.
You would think he would have made this for himself sooner; however I guess he is just now realizing that he will be on Earth for a while.
Chapter 2: Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill and Tobias watch “The Young and the Restless”, talk about the kissing on TV. Marco tries and fails to sneak up on them. Tobias flys off to get food. Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill and Marco talk about the cause and effect of a girl who wears less artificial skin and how hot she is. Then they decide to go into town for a TV guide and cinnamon buns. Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill morphs into his human form, gets dressed and then is told by Marco to put a shirt on. As they head into town they are greeted by a talking FedEx truck.
Chapter 3: The truck is of course a hologram being projected by the Chee known as Eric King. Eric tells us that the Chee have been on Earth since Moses’ time, however we already knew that as there have been references to the Chee helping build the pyramids.
Eric tells Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill & Marco bad news.
<Duh, of course he does, how can Eric King show up and NOT give them bad news within 4 pages of showing up. In fact I challenge every Animorph fan to go through every Animorph book where Eric King shows up, in which book does he take the most number of pages from when he shows up until he tells them about a mission that could get them all killed? The least? Book 10 doesn’t count due to being the book that introduces him, despite the fact that he really does almost get them all killed.>
Marco jokes about not telling Jake that the Yeerks purchased an animal testing laboratory and a meat packing plant at the same time about a year ago. Instead he wants to do an EXPERIMENT to find out how many cinnamon buns Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill can eat before he explodes. Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill informes us that he has already done that experiment.
Erek jokes that they could get a burger instead. Marco decides that “Now its definite. The Yeerks must be destroyed.”
Chapter 4: The Animorphs meet up in Cassie’s barn to plan their next move.
Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill doesn’t understand Marco’s jokes.
Chapter 5: The Animorphs use their bird of prey morphs to fly to the animal testing laboratory.
The testing lab has a security fence and a shock-front force field to prevent anyone from getting in anyway other than through the guard at the front gate.
Tobias overhears that a delivery truck is dropping off six ‘chimps’. Cassie says that chimpanzees would be used for some kind of behavioral research, however they could be rhesus monkeys implying medical research.
Jake comes up with ‘an insanely dangerous, nearly suicidal idea’.
Chapter 6: Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill and Tobias have been watching the roads where the Animorphs believe the delivery truck will pass by to make another delivery of ‘chimps’. The Animorphs see the truck and land on top of it, morph to their natural forms, except Tobias who morphs to human, and brake inside
When forming a human chain Cassie points out that she weighs about half what Jake weighs, further hinting that she is the youngest Animorph, possibly not even being eight years old yet.
<On page 36 Cassie says there is no lock on the truck, what I want to know is how they would have handled it if there had been a lock? Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill’s tail might have been able to cut the lock, yet he is still on top of the truck and even if he weren’t they want to get in without tipping off the Yeerks.>
Chapter 7: Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill morphs to his human form, something he could have started a little sooner, then he is pulled inside the truck.
Rachel closed the truck’s rear door. The Animorphs acquire the chimpanzees and let them loose on the streets so the Animorphs can take their places. The chimps urinate instead.“Please make every effort not to drop me!” Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill cried.
Chapter 8: Tobias scares the chimps away and the Animorphs turn into chimps, and Cassie locks them all up before going all ape herself. (Yes I know calling a chimpanzee an ape isn’t scientifically accurate. Dude, it was just a joke. Chill out man.) Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill ponders the question of chimpanzee sentient sans asks Cassie about it. The Animorphs talk about Cassie’s morals while she says nothing.
Chapter 9: The Animorphs are loaded off the truck and into the animal testing laboratory.
Chapter 10: The handlers leave and Cassie morphs to human form within her cage. A stupid movie when you think about it, they should have been able to guess that Visser 3 was about to enter the room. Marco throws poop at Visser 3, so that he won’t notice Cassie in human form.
Chapter 11: Poop fight! Visser 3 orders all the chimps destroyed for daring to throw poop at him.
Visser 3 repeats his order to kill the chimps, and orders one of the human controllers to get his hand reattached. Visser 3 declares the chimps TAximili-Esgarrouth-Isthillxon food. Now that phase 2 is complete these chimps are no longer needed…but then if Visser 3 no longer needs them why did they order more chimps?
Chapter 12: The Animorphs escape their cages, then begin freeing the other chimps. Then the Animorphs morph back into chimps just as the TAximili-Esgarrouth-Isthillxons arrive looking for something to eat.
The Animorphs attack armed with whatever weapons they can find. Rachel arms herself with a TAximili-Esgarrouth-Isthillxon foot she rips off…from somewhere. The Animorphs head into the lab on the other side of the TAximili-Esgarrouth-Isthillxons.
Chapter 13: The Animorphs searched the lab for a way out and witness the cruelty of animal testing. After they escape Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill thinks about the differences between his world and ours.
Tobias gives Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill a TV remote and they see a news report of the escaped chimps. They also discuss the cause of power outages near Jakes house.
Chapter 14 Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill and Tobias fly above the slaughterhouse while the others are in school, then they meet in Cassie’s barn, after the others get out of school, to plan their next move.
The Animorphs come up with the absolute stupidest plan in the history of Animorphs, not counting all of “The Hidden”.
Chapter 15 Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill, Tobias_Marco, and Rachel go to acquire cow morphs, it is raining. Tobias succeeds in acquiring a morph without difficulty, however just then headlights approach.
Chapter 16: A pick-up truck comes by to check things out, possibly with night vision goggles, yet Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill dimorphs anyway. (Why do I feel like handing out stupid points throughout this book? Anyway Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill just earned another one.) Then Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill tries to look as steer like as possible. A group of drunk college students get out of the pick-up truck with the intention of going cow tipping. Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill knocks the three college aged drunk drivers out with his tail blade. Then Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill ‘aquires beef’.
Chapter 17: The next day Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill performs his morning ritual solemnly, then he morphs a harrier and flys off with Tobias to the feed lot so they can morph steer and the others can morph flies and fly up their noses. Yes that is their real plan.
Chapter 18: Tobias morphs into a quadruped. Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill dimorphs from bird. Cassie’s morphing outfit is revealed to be Day-Glo spandex, not the best choice for a superhero suit biased on stealth; she should have gone for basic black. However watch for this, even though Cassie is the least fashion conchies her morphing outfit will change soon…I guess Rachel will make her change it.
Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill morphs into a cow, if only to justify the book’s cover. Now he has to dimorph and acquire the correct life form. You would have thought he would have acquired whichever one they had taken one of the tags off of, and had Tobias morph the other one.
Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill acquires the steer and morphs him. Wait a minute, that’s no steer, it’s a bull.
Chapter 19: Cassie explains reason #2 why this is a dumb plan; the difference between a steer and a bull.
What was reason #1 you ask? Marco already explained that in chapter 14 on the top of page 78. They are morphing cattle to investigate a MEAT PACKING PLANT!!!
Between these two things this is a REALLY STUPID PLAN. Reason #2 almost gets Cassie trampled.
Cassie puts ear tags in Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill and Tobias, the pain sends them over the edge and they trample Cassie before fighting each other…oh, wait, that’s what would have most likely happened if this had been real life.
Chapter 19 ends with Jake giving us reason #3 why this plan is going to end badly. I mean really, what if all six of them had just morphed flies and gone into the noses of regular steer, or maybe grab onto the steer’s nose and morph flea, or try going in the human door into the slaughter house? Now that Jake earns himself another stupidity point we move on.
Chapter 20: The farm hands realize that those are bulls, not steer. Then a gorilla jumps out from behind the two bulls and attacks them, with the help of two bulls. At least one Yeerk gets a sour butt out of this.
Marco drives, everyone is reminded of Marco’s driving from MM#3. Cassie points out that Marco has to be in gorilla morph because
Yeah, like adjusting the seat is so hard. See: Sarcasm.<The seat’s jammed back and he can’t reach the pedals.>
Chapter 21 Marco can’t drive. At all. However the guards let them in after telling Marco what they think of his driving.<…I’ll get us there. Everyone will still be available to die when we get there.>
<That’s comforting.> Tobias grumbled.
The cow, steer and bulls make it to the meatpacking plant and Marco and Jake morph flies.
When the Yeerks see the crazy way that Marco was driving, then see that the driver disappeared, then see that there are bulls…well they start to suspect the involvement of Andalite bandits, then they realize how stupid that would be, because only a complete and total moron would morph a cow, steer or bull and then go to a meat packing plant. Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill describes the smell of the meat packing plant.
<Gee, I wonder if Amy Garvey is a vegetarian???>
Chapter 22 The Animorphs proceed with the stupidest plan any superhero team has ever had. Most of the Animorphs fly out of Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill and Tobias’ noses and go change into their battle morphs as Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill and Tobias count down the last remaining seconds of their lives until they become Big Macs.
<Did all the Animorphs take stupid pills right before this book started or something?>
Then Tobias gets the first sensible idea any of them has had since they battled the TAximili-Esgarrouth-Isthillxons in chimp morph; he desides he doesn’t want to die. Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill sees a steer ahead of him get shot.
Chapter 23: Both Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill and Tobias deside to leave. They start demorphing however Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill gets seconds from death as a bull in a slaughter house before Rachel saves him. A Yeerk with a chainsaw attacks and Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill disarms him.
Chapter 24: Rachel explains that the others are in trouble and she just came to get them to help, so wait, if the others hadn’t been in trouble you would have just let the Yeerks kill your boyfriend and turn him into a steak dinner?
Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill and Rachel reach the battle on foot after Tobias flew ahead to join the others. Then Visser 3 shows up and enjoys the idea of literally killing the Animorphs in a slaughter house and turning them into hamburger meat. I can totally understand that, if I were Visser 3 I think I would get great pleasure in eating grizzly burgers for lunch and BBQ hawk for dinner and wolf jerky in between meals.
Chapter 25: Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill figures out how to open the door, and the Animorphs run out and into a room full of caged humans in bio-stasis. Project Obedience. Medication effective. Formula seventy-one.
Even the Yeerk computers are brown nosed butt kissers. The formula is intended to remove human free will, being entered into human bodies by way of tainted hamburgers and stakes.
Chapter 26: The Animorphs discuss the possibility that formula seventy-one has 100% effectiveness.
The Animorphs notice a Yeerk scientist and knock the weapon from his hand. Then they talk with the Yeerk about the true success and failure of the project.
The Animorphs free the human test subjects and ther test subjects exercise their free will, stay or go. Cassie gets to gloat forever and wishes that she had bet real money.
The Animorphs hang out at the mall food court the next day eating burgers and a cinnamon bun for Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill.In the annals of stupid, screwed-up, pointless Animorphs books that was the stupidest, most pointless of them all.” Marco said, not yet having lived through “The Hidden”.
<Tune in again in two weeks for a Cassie book that makes me want to puke.>