Bunny: Tom is rescued - HELP NEEDED

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Jadedkoi
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Bunny: Tom is rescued - HELP NEEDED

Post by Jadedkoi » Tue Sep 01, 2009 7:52 pm

Of all the plot twists in Animorphs, the one that was the most difficult for me to stomach (emotionally) was reading Jake not get to the house in time to rescue his brother. It's always sat badly with me. I understand the underlying reasons that KAA chose to have him lose Tom twice, but I wish I could change it in a way that would stay true to the series.

Tom is a very interesting and dynamic character. We know by book 49 he is essentially V3's chief of security and therefore is probably privy to a lot of the Visser's plans. If freed, this knowledge would be a temporary boon. I am unsure as exactly how to handle Tom as a character, though. He is going to have a lot of friction with jake, as he is in a position where his younger brother rescued him from over three years of slavery but now expects his orders to be obeyed and his knowledge heeded. Tom will chafe at that, as well as the fact that he is only really temporarily useful. I am undecided as to whether they will give him the morphing power, but I am leaning towards no.

There is also the fact to consider that this will technically become an alternate timeline and therefore Cassie will have to accept it as a better alternative timeline or she will rip the alternate world apart (as in MM4). I am undecided as to exactly what effect this will have on events, but it will work both to the ani's advantage and to that of the yeerks.

This is a short sample of how this might begin. The writing isn't quite matched to KAA's style and needs some work, which is why i'm forum-begging for it. Of all the bunnies I've had this one really, really just will not go away.

-----------------------------------------------

"We got the circus in trouble," Rachel said. "Channel 6 reported a rogue elephant escaped from the Civic Center, ripped up a blood bank, and damaged a gas main that later exploded,wiping out an alley and torching an abandoned warehouse."

Marco shook his head. "Hmmm. And they didn't mention that the blood bank is operated by aliens from another galaxy who are conducting research to help speed up the annihilation of our planet?"
The sun was barely up, but we were already assembled in Cassie's barn. Again. Jake had brought Mr. King, one of the Chee.

"The Chee need to know our plans." Jake looked at us. "Whatever we decide."

Mr. King nodded. "We'll help in any way we can. Information, holograms, shelter. Let us know what you need."

"We need to make it go away." Cassie was sitting on the floor in front of the deer pen. "Can you please, please just make this all go away?"

Mr. King, his hologram at least, smiled. "If we could, we would have. A long, long time ago."

"I know." Cassie leaned back against the pen.

"l'm sorry, l'm just very tired. I spent most of the night out here, doing what I could for as long as I could." She waved a hand toward the animals. "Who's going to take care of these guys? If my dad's not here, they have zero chance of survival." She closed her eyes. "My dad. He doesn't have a clue what's coming."

"I know." Rachel smiled ruefully. "I spent last night helping Jordan practice her routine for the all-city gymnastics meet. And you know what? She nailed it. She could win the whole thing. Except she probably won't even get to compete. She was all excited, telling me how their coach got them all matching jackets. And I played along, like it was really going to happen. Like everything was normal."

Normal.

I didn't tell the others what I'd done last night. That I'd stalked my own mother, and afterward landed my fly body in Saint Ann's steeple and just sat there. I don't even know for how long. Long enough that when I finally came out of my stupor, I was afraid that, yeah, I was still a nothlit. But a fly this time.

"l'm just so tired of lying to everybody," Jake said wearily. "This morning at breakfast we're all sitting around looking at sale ads in the paper. My mom and dad wanted to go look at a new lawn mower. Tom even said he'd go along. They wanted me to go, like a real family outing. But I made up a story about having to help Cassie's dad here at the farm."

"It wasn't exactly a lie." Cassie.

"It wasn't exactly the truth, either." Jake shook his head. "My mom doesn't understand why I never have time for them anymore. At least if we do this, if we get them out, that part will be over. Lying. Sneaking around. Hurting their feelings." He let out a breath. "But we came here to vote, so let's do it. Rachel?"

"I'm in."

"Cassie?"

"What choice do we have?"

"Marco?"

"We do it. Definitely."

"Ax?"

«l do what you do, Prince Jake.»

"I vote yes. But..." Jake looked at us. "l'm taking Tom." It wasn't a question. "I know it's a risk, but I think it's a containable risk. My parents won't leave him behind. I won't leave him behind. So, as long as everybody understands that, I vote yes."

«l understand, Prince Jake.»

"Tom's part of the deal," said Rachel.

Cassie and Marco nodded.

"Tobias?" Jake looked up at me. "You haven't voted."

«We get them out,» I said. «AII of them.»

All of them. But l'm not sure Jake understood me.

He rubbed his temples. "Okay. Decision made. They'll be safest in the new Hork-Bajir valley. Marco's parents are already there. And the Yeerks think they destroyed it. We'll take my family last. That way if anything goes wrong with Tom, everybody else will already be safe. We'll have to watch them, guard them, for the first three days. To make sure none of them are Controllers. And to make sure...

«To make sure the Yeerk in Tom's head dies,» Ax said, in his usual blunt way.

"Right." Jake nodded. "We'll all be living with the Hork-Bajir, too. We can't stay down here in the city. Too dangerous. The Yeerks would be all over us."

"So. We pack our toothbrushes and run."

"No, Rachel. We retreat," Jake answered. "A tactical retreat. Save the army. Live to fight another day. But a toothbrush would be good. And extra deodorant. We'll be out there a while."

«The Yeerks have probably already mobilized,» said Mr. King. «l suggest you begin the evacuation soon.»

"How about now?" Cassie stood and brushed the hay from her jeans. "My parents are both home, which almost never happens. Let's do it."

"Wait." Rachel said. "Mr. King's right. They're already mobilized." She glanced at me, then at Jake. "What about Tom?”

"What about Tom?" Jake asked sharply.

Rachel ignored his tone. "Where were they going to look at lawn mowers?"

"Sears." Jake threw up his hands. "Why does this matter? They'll be there all day! My dad can never decide which one he wants."

Rachel took a deep breath. "Sears. In the mall. Four stores down from the Gap, which is a known Yeerk Pool entrance." Jake clenched his jaw. Marco said something extremely creative I can't repeat.

"It is a reasonable conclusion." Mr. King said. "I can try and use the chee-net too locate your brother. How long ago did they leave?"

"Ten minutes or so after I did." Jake said, looking grim. "It's an early-morning sale."

«We must go now, Prince Jake.» Ax said. «The yeerk will take whatever opportunity it can to infest your remaining family if you have been identified.»

«There aren't any yeerk pool entrances that I know of in the store itself» I said. «This early in the morning the rest of the mall won't be open.»

"Isn't that adorable," Marco said "He knows the operating hours of his honey's second home."

"Thin ice, Marco." Rachel said sweetly.

Mr. King's holographic eyes seemed to glaze momentarily as he contacted the chee-net. I wondered if he did it to let us know he was busy, or if it was something more ingrained from playing so long at being human.

“None of our people is close enough to the mall to say if they are there.” Mr. King said heavily. “I am sorry, Jake.”

“It's okay.” Jake said quietly. “if I can get them all out of this, I will. I'll find a way.”

“The mall is our best bet.” Marco said. “We're wasting time here.”

“And how are we supposed to get Jake's parents and Tom to just go along with us when we show up?” Cassie asked, shaking her head. “How do we even keep the van from being followed if the Yeerks catch on?”

“Make it up as we go.” Marco said sourly. Rachel laughed aloud. “Well, what are we waiting for?” She grinned at Cassie. “No more stealing my line.” She smiled at Jake reassuringly.

“Let's do it. Let's go get our cousin back.”

----------------------------------------


I have several ideas on how to do the Jake-grabs-Tom scene:

1)Jake&co get there in time to catch his family leaving Sears and Jake has one of the chee (who has gobe to the mall to help them) impersonate a police officer. jake's family is told that Tom is a suspect in a crime that took place the night before and that for their own safety he will direct them to his police cruiser to take them down to the station. The cruiser is a car the Chee own and have holographically disguised. Jake is riding in the front seat and gets to explain what's going on while the rest of the Anis go to Rachel's house next as it is closer than cassie's to the mall. Cassie's parents will not get out in time. jake and Rachel's families do. This causes Cassie to become depressed and question herself more. She is not in the frame of mind to make the moral objections she usually would.

2)jake&co get there to find his parents didn't like the selection and have left. Mr.King is able to find them by the Van on the way to a home improvement store- until they take a detour and head for a nearby sharing building. jake &co make it there and Bust in just in time to save Tom and his father- temporarily- until his fatehr runs screaming from the talking tiger claiming to be his son and trying to drag him away. jake gets Tom out, but loses both his parents. They go to cassie's next and get her parents no fuss. Rachel gets to her house to find that Jordan has taken an earlier bus to her State Gymnastics Meet and is not there. The Yeerks bust in on them at rachel's house, but the resulting confusion of the skirmish lets them escape a little worse for wear. Jordan is taken at the Meet. Rachel becomes moody and speaks less. Her ideas become less reckless, but more dark and ruthless. Jake gives them increasing weight, desperate to save his family (his young cousin, too).

3)Jake&co get there, but by chance Tom happens to glimpse Marco (human and in a disguise) in the store and raises an immediate alarm as he puts two and two together. half the store is destroyed in the resulting battle. Jake gets his father and his brother out, but Rachel and cassie's families are both taken. Both girls react badly and the team nearly falls apart.


Critique and input needed!

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Elfangor
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Re: Bunny: Tom is rescued - HELP NEEDED

Post by Elfangor » Tue Sep 01, 2009 9:31 pm

I like number 1, because Cassie will find some morally correct way that will make it all OK.
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Re: Bunny: Tom is rescued - HELP NEEDED

Post by capnnerefir » Tue Sep 01, 2009 9:38 pm

You know...One thing I never understood about this whole "reveal everything to our families" plan is why they didn't just split up? Say, Cassie tells her parents with Ax (they seemed easy enough to convince), Rachel and Tobias talk with Rach's family, and Jake and Marco grab Jake's family.

Anyhow, which option you should choose probably depends on the tone you want to set for the story. At the moment, since you want to stay true to the book, I'm going to assume you're going to keep Tobias as the narrator. If you go with option 1, it'll be kind of sad but won't have a major personal impact on Tobias. After all, he and Cassie might be friends, but they're not exceptionally close.

Options 2 and 3 will effect him more personally, since they'll drastically alter Rachel. Option 3, I think, would be the most emotionally impactful. Either one of those would be great if you want a darker story, especially option 3. And it's important to consider how this would effect Tobias's future mission to get in touch with Loren.

All of that, though, assumes you're going to keep up with Tobias's point of view. It seems to me, though, that you want to write about Jake and Tom, which would probably require a switch in narration. In that case, I'd go with option 1.

As for the writing itself, it's very close to KAA's style already. With a little more work, I'm sure you'll fall right into the style naturally. Just keep at it.

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Re: Bunny: Tom is rescued - HELP NEEDED

Post by Jadedkoi » Tue Sep 01, 2009 11:33 pm

Elfangor wrote:I like number 1, because Cassie will find some morally correct way that will make it all OK.
I'm hoping to at least make her morals less skewed and PETA-bordering at times. It's difficult to write a character who is so pathetic at times, but I want to keep Cassie as IC as I can, including eye-rolling moral stands.
capnnerefir wrote:You know...One thing I never understood about this whole "reveal everything to our families" plan is why they didn't just split up? Say, Cassie tells her parents with Ax (they seemed easy enough to convince), Rachel and Tobias talk with Rach's family, and Jake and Marco grab Jake's family.


I assume this is because there is the very real threat of an ambush at any of their homes already, and that if they split up and a smaller group is ambushed, they may be completely compromised.
It's weak, but it's something. Could be emotional, too. Maybe they felt they should all do it together. Maybe it was just the knowledge they'd never be back in town as humans until the war was over. Maybe KAA wrote it that way with no explaination because of time constraints.
Anyhow, which option you should choose probably depends on the tone you want to set for the story. At the moment, since you want to stay true to the book, I'm going to assume you're going to keep Tobias as the narrator. If you go with option 1, it'll be kind of sad but won't have a major personal impact on Tobias. After all, he and Cassie might be friends, but they're not exceptionally close.

Options 2 and 3 will effect him more personally, since they'll drastically alter Rachel. Option 3, I think, would be the most emotionally impactful. Either one of those would be great if you want a darker story, especially option 3. And it's important to consider how this would effect Tobias's future mission to get in touch with Loren.

All of that, though, assumes you're going to keep up with Tobias's point of view. It seems to me, though, that you want to write about Jake and Tom, which would probably require a switch in narration. In that case, I'd go with option 1.

As for the writing itself, it's very close to KAA's style already. With a little more work, I'm sure you'll fall right into the style naturally. Just keep at it.
I'm undecided on whether I want to keep Tobias's perspective or not. Tobias's entire bearing and emotional state is badly underwritten in this book, and tackling it adequately would require subtle nuances and changes to multiple things and characters that I'm not sure I have enough talent to pull off. He's written to be distant and closed off but still hurting and feeling rejection, but he never really seems to genuinely feel his emotions. I can't identify with him at all in this book, and somehow I'm fairly sure that wasn't KAA's main goal.

I've thought about writing it megamorphs-style and having the next narrator Jake (of course) then Cassie. I want to try and write a convincing, well-integrated subplot (minor or major) for each of them.

Tobias/Rachel is a challenge for me because of how tentative their relationship is in the series. There's not much indication of what happens with them once they make it to the valley in canon, except that Tobias trusted her enough that he never really thought to question where she was at the end, and that was probably the first time he had willingly allowed himself to really trust anyone for anything truly important.

Loren & Tobias as a family seems to kind of just stop, even before 54. He's retreating from disappointment and anger that he can't have the perfect family with his mother that he wants, but I wonder what happened between him and Rachel while he was dealing with this. Do you think he talked to her? To Ax?

Thanks for the input. It's got incredible value <3.

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Re: Bunny: Tom is rescued - HELP NEEDED

Post by Alanfangor » Tue Sep 01, 2009 11:35 pm

hmmm i choose option 1

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Re: Bunny: Tom is rescued - HELP NEEDED

Post by capnnerefir » Wed Sep 02, 2009 10:37 am

Jadedkoi wrote:I assume this is because there is the very real threat of an ambush at any of their homes already, and that if they split up and a smaller group is ambushed, they may be completely compromised.
It's weak, but it's something.
Good enough for me. It fills the hole in enough that I'm not too worried about falling in, at any rate.
Jadedkoi wrote:I've thought about writing it megamorphs-style and having the next narrator Jake (of course) then Cassie. I want to try and write a convincing, well-integrated subplot (minor or major) for each of them.
That might be a good idea, though it would greatly break from the original style of this particular story...
Jadedkoi wrote:Tobias/Rachel is a challenge for me because of how tentative their relationship is in the series. There's not much indication of what happens with them once they make it to the valley in canon, except that Tobias trusted her enough that he never really thought to question where she was at the end, and that was probably the first time he had willingly allowed himself to really trust anyone for anything truly important.
I always was under the impression that that time in the valley was when their relationship really matured. After all, they no longer have to sneak around behind Rachel's family (though I'd imagine Naomi and Co. were pretty freaked out that he was a bird). With more time together and less overt pressure on them, they probably had a lot more time to develop their relationship.
Jadedkoi wrote:I wonder what happened between him and Rachel while he was dealing with this. Do you think he talked to her? To Ax?
I'd imagine he spoke with Rachel about it (though she'd probably have had to do a lot of prodding first. He's not exactly the opening-up-type, but she's not the sort of person to just let something lie. No matter how much he would repress his feelings, she'd know that they're still having a covert effect on him and would force him to confront them. That is, after all, one of the reasons why they work great as a couple). He'd probably not talk about it to Ax...that just doesn't seem to mesh together in my mind. Again, Tobias doesn't usually open up, and unlike Rachel, Ax isn't the type to pry.
Jadedkoi wrote:Thanks for the input. It's got incredible value <3.
That's why they gave me the green name. ;)

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Re: Bunny: Tom is rescued - HELP NEEDED

Post by Beckyno1 » Wed Sep 02, 2009 10:58 am

I like opinion one. Mainly because I like Rachel and don't like Cassie. :)
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Re: Bunny: Tom is rescued - HELP NEEDED

Post by loosonghan » Sun Jan 27, 2013 2:23 am

Or maybe Tom escapes, and his parents were infested but play along as they have a tracker on them.


Nah stupid idea.
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Re: Bunny: Tom is rescued - HELP NEEDED

Post by ParaBolt » Thu Jan 31, 2013 8:18 am

Entire family gets infested. They're at home. Jake goes in finds his family is safe and heaves a sigh of relief. His mom and dad play along. Tom seems to be out of sight. Suddenly they capture Jake and uhm.. Marco. Others escape and make a plan to rescue them. In they rescue mission they rescue both Jake and Marco and Jake's family.

While in captivity you can use Marco to make jokes.. LOL. Anyways in the rescue mission they can use a few aux animorphs, and they get unexpected help from Taxxons and the Peace Movement Yeerks [H(D)ork-Bajir].

Plus you may also have Tobias acquire a good new battle morph, especially for this mission.