Science Jokes

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Diana moon goddess
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Science Jokes

Post by Diana moon goddess » Sun Jun 17, 2012 3:12 pm

here we shall have some science-related jokes. we love them for being nerdy and rarely offensive.

i'll start.
physics:
Einstein, Newton and Pascal are in heaven(or where ever) and decide to play hide and seek. Einstein is the seeker closes his eyes and counts to ten and Pascal and Newton scamper off supposedly. when Einstein opens his eyes and turns around, he sees newton with a meter stick standing on a square box drawn on the ground.
"i found you Newton!" says Einstein. "i think you're supposed to hide"
"no Einstein" said Newton. "you found a newton over a meter squared. you found Pascal!
(a pascal is a measurement of pressure that equals newtons over square meters)

a neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. when he is finished he asks the waiter for the bill. the waiter responds "for you, no charge"

Chemistry:
you wanna hear a chemistry joke?
Sure!
I'm sorry they're all gone.
????
get it? they're ARGON.

no really lets hear a real chemistry joke

two guys walk into a bar.
the waiter comes up to them and asks them what they want to drink
the first guy says "oh i don't know, i think i'll have some H20"
the second guy says " i'll have some H20 too"
5 minutes later the second guy is dead
why?
answer: he drank H2O2 - hydrogen peroxide

Biology:
why did the algae and fungus get married? they took a LICHEN to each other.

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BabelFish42
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Re: Science Jokes

Post by BabelFish42 » Fri Jun 29, 2012 1:56 pm

Diana moon goddess wrote:here we shall have some science-related jokes. we love them for being nerdy and rarely offensive,
Yes! I am SO down for this!
Diana moon goddess wrote:Einstein, Newton and Pascal are in heaven(or where ever) and decide to play hide and seek. Einstein is the seeker closes his eyes and counts to ten and Pascal and Newton scamper off supposedly. when Einstein opens his eyes and turns around, he sees newton with a meter stick standing on a square box drawn on the ground.
"i found you Newton!" says Einstein. "i think you're supposed to hide"
"no Einstein" said Newton. "you found a newton over a meter squared. you found Pascal!
(a pascal is a measurement of pressure that equals newtons over square meters)
Pfft. That was like a nerdy math AND science joke. (Those two start to blur together when you get into physics...). I still appreciated it though. :)
Diana moon goddess wrote:a neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. when he is finished he asks the waiter for the bill. the waiter responds "for you, no charge"
Classic.
Diana moon goddess wrote:you wanna hear a chemistry joke?
Sure!
I'm sorry they're all gone.
????
get it? they're ARGON.
No, no, you told it wrong! He's suppoded to say, "I wish I had a chemistry joke for you, but all the good ones ARE GONE!" :P
Diana moon goddess wrote:two guys walk into a bar.
the waiter comes up to them and asks them what they want to drink
the first guy says "oh i don't know, i think i'll have some H20"
the second guy says " i'll have some H20 too"
5 minutes later the second guy is dead
why?
answer: he drank H2O2 - hydrogen peroxide
Lol, yes children, those tiny little numbers in the formula really do make a big difference :roll2:
Diana moon goddess wrote:why did the algae and fungus get married? they took a LICHEN to each other.
Haha, love it.
Anifan on Reddit: "Do you realize you're one of the reasons why I write fiction in my free time?"
KA: "So sorry to get you into writing. What a horrible thing to inflict on you. Should have just sold you crack."

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Re: Science Jokes

Post by BabelFish42 » Fri Jun 29, 2012 2:07 pm

Ok, my turn!

Hey, know any good jokes about sodium hypobromate?
Answer: Na, Bro.
(Because sodium hypobromate = NaBrO.)

What do you do with a dead chemist?
Answer: You barium.

Argon walks into a bar, and the bartender yells at him to get the f*** out. Argon doesn't react.
(Because argon is a noble gas, get it? They don't react.)

And then there are all those hilariously awful biology pick up lines...

If I was an enzyme, I'd be helicase so I could unzip your genes.

You're so hot you denature my proteins.

Oh, science nerds... I think even Ax tells better jokes than this. :roll2:
Anifan on Reddit: "Do you realize you're one of the reasons why I write fiction in my free time?"
KA: "So sorry to get you into writing. What a horrible thing to inflict on you. Should have just sold you crack."

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Diana moon goddess
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Re: Science Jokes

Post by Diana moon goddess » Mon Jul 16, 2012 12:07 pm

:lol2: haha! too good. i've heard a lot of those chemistry puns before but unfortunately I always forget them.
and thank you for correcting my argon joke!
my science teachers are so filled with clever jokes and puns, but sadly i forget them all.

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Re: Science Jokes

Post by BabelFish42 » Mon Jul 16, 2012 1:49 pm

Aw glad you liked 'em! :)
Diana moon goddess wrote:my science teachers are so filled with clever jokes and puns, but sadly i forget them all.
Well, good thing you have the internet: http://www.quickmeme.com/Chemistry-Cat/

This site has all the awesome, nerdy chemistry jokes you could ever want, plus a cat.
Anifan on Reddit: "Do you realize you're one of the reasons why I write fiction in my free time?"
KA: "So sorry to get you into writing. What a horrible thing to inflict on you. Should have just sold you crack."

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Re: Science Jokes

Post by Diana moon goddess » Thu Aug 02, 2012 2:19 pm

Q: Why can't programmers tell the difference between Christmas and Halloween?
A: Because DEC[25] = OCT[31]

this one's not very sciency, but it is related to logic, which is sort of related to math.
Renet Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Can I get you a drink, sir?"
Descartes says, "No, sir, I think not" - and vanishes.

and some other funny ones i found about scientists

Q: Why was Heisenberg terrible in bed?
A: Because when he had the time he didn't have the energy, but when he had the energy he didn't have the time.


In the year 2320, a young mathematician, two physicists, and a biologist finally invent a workable time machine. The first thing they do is go back in time and gather a bunch of famous scientists for a party. While at the party, they note a thing or two about each of their guests' personalities:

Darwin was the life of the party.
Einstein had a relatively good time.
Heisenberg may or may not have been there.
Everyone gravitated toward Newton, but he just kept moving around at a constant velocity and showed no reaction.
Coulomb got a real charge out of the whole thing.
Pascal was under too much pressure to enjoy himself.
Ohm spent most of the time resisting Ampere's opinions on current events.
Volt thought the social had a lot of potential.
The Curies were there and just glowed the whole time.
van der Waals forced himeself to mingle.
de Broglie mostly just stood in the corner and waved.
Everyone was attracted to Tesla's magnetic personality.
Bohr ate too much and got atomic ache.
Watt turned out to be a powerful speaker.
Hertz went back to the buffet table several times a minute.
Faraday had quite a capacity for food.

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Re: Science Jokes

Post by ebb238 » Thu Jun 27, 2013 5:09 am

Did you hear about the famous microbiologist who traveled in thirty different countries and learned to speak six languages? He was a man of many cultures. :-)

Q: What was the biologist wearing on his first date with a hot chick?
A: Designer jeans.

Q: What is the name of the first electricity detective?
A: Sherlock Ohms

Q: What did one quantum physicist say when he wanted to fight another quantum physicist?
A: Let me atom.

A chemistry professor couldn't resist interjecting a little philosophy into a class lecture. He interrupted his discussion on balancing chemical equations, saying, "Remember, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate!"

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Re: Science Jokes

Post by Tobias_Marco » Wed Jul 17, 2013 11:32 pm

Diana moon goddess wrote:In the year 2320, a young mathematician, two physicists, and a biologist finally invent a workable time machine. The first thing they do is go back in time and gather a bunch of famous scientists for a party. While at the party, they note a thing or two about each of their guests' personalities:

Darwin was the life of the party.
Einstein had a relatively good time.
Heisenberg may or may not have been there.
Everyone gravitated toward Newton, but he just kept moving around at a constant velocity and showed no reaction.
Coulomb got a real charge out of the whole thing.
Pascal was under too much pressure to enjoy himself.
Ohm spent most of the time resisting Ampere's opinions on current events.
Volt thought the social had a lot of potential.
The Curies were there and just glowed the whole time.
van der Waals forced himeself to mingle.
de Broglie mostly just stood in the corner and waved.
Everyone was attracted to Tesla's magnetic personality.
Bohr ate too much and got atomic ache.
Watt turned out to be a powerful speaker.
Hertz went back to the buffet table several times a minute.
Faraday had quite a capacity for food.
<Somehow I think that joke would be funnier if it took place in the year 3227.>


<The Comedy Club meets once a month to tell jokes.>
<Charlie had been in the Comedy Club for years and one night took his friend Joe along as a prospective new member.>
<Joe was given a book of numbered jokes and soon he discovered that no jokes were actually verbalised on these occasions, instead everyone participating just called out a number, and this was always followed by much smiling, mirth and sometimes applause.>
<Joe learned that new members aren't allowed to tell any jokes until they have been to three meetings and familiarised themselves with the numbers in the joke book which is updated before each meeting.>
<After the obligatory three meetings Joe felt he was ready to participate and so at the next meeting he selected a joke from the book and waited for his turn. First one and then another called different numbers and always these were succeeded by chortles, chuckles, guffaws, and much delight. Often there was side slapping and sometimes tears of laughter were produced.>
<Feeling bold Joe called out his number of choice and to his utter surprise and dismay there was absolute silence. Not a titter or a tee-hee was heard. No-one laughed.>
<Joe felt really bad and turning to Charlie said "I thought number 300 was really funny, why didn't anyone laugh?">
<"It is really funny", replied Charlie, "But it was just the way you told it..." >
True education, true science, true religion is the search for truth.
Matthew 28:16-20, John 3:14-20

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Re: Science Jokes

Post by mightysephiroth69 » Wed Feb 24, 2016 6:51 pm

A neutron walks into a bar and asked how much for a drink the bartender then said, "For you no charge."

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Re: Science Jokes

Post by Tobias_Marco » Fri Feb 16, 2018 4:05 pm

<We already heard that one. It was part of the first post in the topic.>
True education, true science, true religion is the search for truth.
Matthew 28:16-20, John 3:14-20