Christian Jokes

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Tobias_Marco
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Christian Jokes

Post by Tobias_Marco » Mon Nov 07, 2011 10:30 am

<First let me say that I am a Christian, and I am willing to laugh at myself and my beliefs, so don't worry about that.>

<Now for the jokes.>

<There was a big field and dividing the field in half was a very large stone fence. There were many people standing on the fence.>
<Two men walked towards the fence, one from each side. One of the men called out to the people "One of us is God, the Creator of the Universe, the other is Satan, the Devil. Right now there is a clock that is counting down, that you can't see, when it gets to zero everyone will have to be on one side or the other, if you are on the side of God, then you will go to Heaven, if you are on the side of the Devil then you will go to Hell.">
<Both men said that at least this much was true, then each man tried to get people to come to his side of the fence.>
<Sometime latter a bell went off and each man took the people on his side of the fence and went away, but there was still one man left on the fence.>
<Then the Devil came up to him and said "Come on buddy, it's time to get going." the man replied "Don't rush me, I'm still on the fence.">
<Satan laughed at this, "Buddy, I OWN the fence.">
True education, true science, true religion is the search for truth.
Matthew 28:16-20, John 3:14-20

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Dest
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Re: Christian Jokes

Post by Dest » Mon Jul 02, 2012 7:38 pm

I'll admit, that was pretty funny :P I have one two. BUT FIRST, a disclaimer.

This joke may be offensive to some. Please know that, like any real joke, it was said in good fun.

*right before the talent show*
Ms. Thornton, my reading teacher: Should we all join hands in prayer? *looking RIGHT. AT. ME. By the way*
Me: Sorry, I'm an atheist.
Ms. T: I figured.
Me: What? Why?
Ms. T: Most intellectuals are.
Me: ...so, wait, if all the smart people don't believe in God...?

I never really felt the need to finish that sentence xD

I thought it was funny. The point here is to laugh at Ms. Thornton. So it's really just a joke for me. I hate that "woman."
Time is not wasted if you enjoyed what you were doing.

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Tobias_Marco
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Re: Christian Jokes

Post by Tobias_Marco » Tue Feb 13, 2018 9:31 pm

<A Christian and an atheist are friends, the Christian is always trying to get the atheist to come to church with him, yet the atheist insists that he is a good enough person that he doesn't need God, not that God or Jesus even exist anyway.>
<The atheist goes on the say that his body is nothing more than an organic machine and the soul is an illusion, when he dies it will stop working and there is no afterlife.>
<One day they both die. They come face to face with God and find themselves in a huge court room.>
<God calls up the Christian first. Satan goes over his life and names ever bad thing he ever did, every lie, every foul word, every time he hit anyone, stole anything, was disrespectful to his parents or looked lustful at anyone he wasn't married to.>
<The Christian looks ashamed and then Jesus stands up and says "These crimes are already paid for."
God checks his records "You're correct. Sir you are free to go.">
<Then the atheist comes up, and once again Satan goes on and on about every bad thing he has ever done.>
<The athletes looks at Jesus.>
<Jesus looks at the atheist and says "I thought you said that I don't exist. If you didn't know me on Earth, then I sure don't know you here.>


<A boy asked his Dad, "Dad, How big is God?"
Looking up at the sky his father saw an aeroplane and asked his son, "How big is that aeroplane?"
The boy responded,
 "It's small, Dad! You can hardly even see it!"
Then the father took his son to an airport hanger.
 Standing in front of one of the aeroplanes, the father asked, "And now, how big is the aeroplane?"
 The boy responded,
 "Oh Daddy, this plane is enormous."
  At this point, the father said to him,
"That's how it is with God. How big He is depends on the distance between you and Him."
"The closer you are to Him, the bigger He is in your life"
Lugambwa John>
True education, true science, true religion is the search for truth.
Matthew 28:16-20, John 3:14-20