The Family Thread

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Daphnia
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Re: The Family Thread

Post by Daphnia » Thu Jul 14, 2011 5:11 pm

my family has been and is going through a lot, I guess most of it is because of me. so this is gonna be a long post =)

firtsly, I was conceived before my parents were married. in our country, Indonesia, that is a HUGE deal. So idk what kinds of things my mom and dad went through but it couldn't have been easy for them. Then I was born with a heart condition that made me unable to walk for more than 10 steps. my lips would go blue and I'd run out of breath. So at the age of 4 I had to be operated in Holland, because they just don't have the specialists in our country. Luckily, a team of dutch heart surgeons came to Jakarta so we didn't have to fly to Holland. During the operation, I bled on the table, and the hospital ran out of B-blood bags, so my dad had to rush to the red cross to buy some blood bags. After the operation the wound opened up again because some nurse just roughly yanked the dressing. So I had to be wheeled in to the OR again and had a second operation. About a week after I was out of the hospital I caught malaria, apparently from the blood transfusion. Again I went to the hospital. That whole thing was very hard for my parents, they were still 26/27, my mom didn't work because she had to watch me, and my dad is a lecturer and gave privat courses. his income wasn't that high.

and my childhood was always filled with illness. I always had a cold and sinusitis due to the constant cold. In a year I'm probably only free from cold for about 3 weeks. so yeah, doctor and medicine bills are stacking up. And the Indonesian doctors are always giving antibiotics for a slightly worse cold so we're also worried about my kidneys. 18 years of almost non-stop medicine couldn't be good for the kidneys, even if I drink a lot of water.

then came my little brother who was born just fine and is almost never sick throughout his childhood. Only when he was about 12 or 13 he suddenly fell down to the floor (he was playing Counter Strike before) and had a seizure with his mouth all foamy. Now he's almost 17 and turns out he has epilepsy. He still has seizures sometimes, even when he's not playing games. My dad took him to a very expensive procedure to analize his brain, and it showed a "scratch" on one part of his brain. It could either cause the seizures or be caused by the seizures. So now my parents are really worried about him living alone. Especially since our neighbor's brother also had epilepsy and had a seizure while he was riding his motorbike. Of course it caused an accident and he died right there. I'm also worried about him.. I mean, there's no way he could always stay with my parents, someday he's gonna want and has to live alone. Idk how we can avoid him having seizures at the wrong moments. plus, these seizures are also embarassing for my brother, he already has a low self-confidence, having an episode in front of his friends in school might be just too embarassing.

and don't get me starting on my mom's sister.. when her husband got fired and they ran out of money they borrowed a lot from my dad. and when we need money and borrowed from them, she lent us WITH INTEREST! I mean, HELLO??? does the word "relatives" mean anything at all?? and a lot of other stuff concerning money happened.

right now I'm in Germany and am finally free from the constant cold or any other mild diseases I had in Indonesia. I'm very thankful for that.

all in all, my parents' life wasn't easy but they sure do love me and my bro. They really gave us everything they can, a childhood, comfortable beds, education, good food (my mom always cooks what we love), trips to Bali, other beaches, science centers, circuses and so on. We also had a LOT of books at home. Yeah, my dad would rather buy an expensive, fat-ass book than some branded clothing. We weren't rich, but we're not poor either. We have just enough money to live and when my dad got a project and has a little more to spend my parens would take us to roam the streets and give rice, cooking oil, instant noodles, sugar, etc. to the old rickshaw drivers or garbage men (everyone who's old but still works hard instead of just begging. They were a little overprotective of me when I was a teenager, especially ma dad, and I hated it, hated the fact that I can't hitch a ride with a friend if there's no adult driving. They were also kinda interested in knowing the guys I'm friends with =) Now I understand it was an act of love and I'm glad to have parents like them *dammit I'm weeping*

P.S: one more thing, my parents are ALWAYS loyal to each other and their vows before God. Even when the chance to cheat shows up, my dad stayed loyal. That's kinda rare to find these days..

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Re: The Family Thread

Post by Current » Thu Jul 14, 2011 8:09 pm

Wow. Your family certainly hasn't had it easy.

All I can say is
*hugs*
And good luck.
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Re: The Family Thread

Post by The_Brigadier » Fri Jul 15, 2011 11:31 am

Jeez, that's alot. The hospital bills must've been ridiculous! I hope your children won't suffer from the same illnesses.
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Re: The Family Thread

Post by Daphnia » Sat Jul 16, 2011 3:31 pm

Current wrote:Wow. Your family certainly hasn't had it easy.

All I can say is
*hugs*
And good luck.
thank youuu *hug back*
AlbinoBlackSheep wrote:Jeez, that's alot. The hospital bills must've been ridiculous! I hope your children won't suffer from the same illnesses.
I don't think itS a genetic disease, my heart thing was supposedly caused by an accident my mom had while I was in her belly. And the constat cold is just allergy and probably poor immune system (I only had breast milk for a few months while my brother was breast-fed til he was 2 years old! that explained why he was never sick as a child.. The Indonesian air is also not very friendly for allergic people.. pollution...

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Re: The Family Thread

Post by Tobias_Marco » Wed Jul 27, 2011 9:42 am

SamilinCorrathGahar wrote:<Last night my mom's boyfriend's wife (Man, I really need a shorter name for her) invited somebody over to our apartment for dinner.>
<I guess she knew him from work or something.>
<It turned out to be the same guy who I meet in the book store when I bought my first Animorph books.>
<He is the one who told me that Animorphs was a re-release.>
<Anyway, it was an ok meal. He seems like an alright guy, for someone who is probably 35 or 40.>
<This is why people should only have children when they are married, and only get married after they have known each other for more then 2 years.>
<On a different note, last night I meet my younger sister's new boyfriend, they have been seeing each other for a month and 2 days, she is 3 years younger then me, he is older then I am.>
<They were both at family dinner, that we have once every two weeks, and they left to go "look at rings" then came back just in time for the meal.>
<I am still not sure how I feel about this, given that she dated her last boyfriend for 2 years before realizing that she thought he was a loser.>
<Also the last guy was also older then me.>
True education, true science, true religion is the search for truth.
Matthew 28:16-20, John 3:14-20

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Re: The Family Thread

Post by The_Brigadier » Wed Jul 27, 2011 1:30 pm

Well, I don't think age should be a factor on whether or not you like your sister's boyfriends. Lots of women go for older men because younger guys tend to be too immature, unestablished, and wild for some tastes.

But that aside, I really really really think you should talk your sister out of the engagement, not out of the relationship, but the engagement. A month is not enough for her to decide that this is a person she wants to be legally and religiously bound to.
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Re: The Family Thread

Post by Daphnia » Wed Jul 27, 2011 2:43 pm

I agree with AlbinoBlackSheep, as long as your sister's boyfriend is not old enough to be your dad, I think it's still ok. I sure don't mind dating guys about 6/7 years older than me. but dating a guy that's 18 years older...to me that's just... freaky, feels like dating my uncle.

anyway, a month is WAAAAAY too early to be thinking of engagement. but maybe they're not.. maybe they're just looking at rings for fun? :thinking:

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Re: The Family Thread

Post by Tobias_Marco » Sat Jul 30, 2011 9:08 am

<When I was young my parents fought all the time, then when I was 14 years young, my parents split up, and dad "forced" my mom out of the house (No, I will not go into detail on that). Then about a year or two latter my mom had a small apartment and wanted a bigger one, so that when we came over for the weekend there would be places for everyone to sleep (4 boys and a girl between the ages of 10 and 16 can't just sleep on your couch.).>
<For convenience sake, my siblings names are Grease Monkey, Jar Head, Pirate Princess, and Computer Ninja.>
<My mom found a bigger place, but I couldn't help her move because I was in an after school program. >
<My siblings helped her move, then one day I came home from my after school thing to hear them tell me that mom had disappeared. This was between October and March, I think.>
<Mom was gone a long time and I remember waiting for my birthday that year because I "knew" that she would call me on my birthday (in April), but she never did.
I started waiting for a card or letter to come in the mail, but it never did.
That summer I was walking around looking for yard sales and picked up my first Animorphs book (number 7), then went to the mall and picked up #5, in each of those books they have troubles that were similar to mine in their privet lives.>
<When I was 18 my mom had reappeared, and 13 days after the divorced was finalized my dad proposed to the woman who became his second wife.>
<I had been told that when each of us kids had graduated from high school, AND turned 18 we would get 1 months free rent, then we would start having to pay for it.>
<I couldn’t find a place in my price range, so I joined the Army.>
<I was in “boot camp” when my dad got married the second time, and when the towers fell in September.>
<Then I got kicked out of the Army for medical reasons, and I used my G.I. benefits to go to school. That’s when I learned about the “Disney College Program” and I did a summer internship at Walt Disney World. I worked in Epcot, and it was the BEST JOB EVER!>
<The pay per hour was horrible, but I was working enough hours per week that it didn’t matter.>
<The room mates didn’t understand or get along with me, but it was still a good experience.>
<When I came back my mom gathered up all up (that is to say all of her children, dad was not there, she CAN’T be in the same place as him, matter and anti-matter get along better) and told us that she had breast cancer, and that she had debated long and hard about if she was even going to tell us or not.>
<Every one of us had a job at that point except me and my youngest brother, Computer Ninja, and his job at that point was to graduate high school.>
<I ended up moving in with mom so that I could take care of her in her time of need.>
<If Disney was the best job ever, then this one was the worst. There were days and weeks that she just didn’t want to go on.>
<How do you even take care of someone who doesn’t even have the will to live anymore?>
<I still don’t know, and I have already done it.>
<A year latter she was doing much better, at least as far as the cancer was concerned.>
<That was when I meet the woman who would become my wife.>
<She was “couch hopping” (read: homeless and sleeping on the couches of what ever friends she could find) and needed something better.>
<She asked me if we could find a place and move in together.>
<I said “No”.>
<I said “no” the second time she asked as well.>
<The third time I was having a very hard week taking care of my mom and it was wearing thin, so I said “yes”.>
<One of my brothers, Grease Monkey, was a trucker, but that job ended, and so the plan was for the three of us to find a place and move in together, Fluffy Bunny (who I would soon marry) had some income, not much, but some.>
<Each of us would pay 1/3 of the rent.>
<Then Fluffy Bunny lost her income and I was stuck paying 2/3 of the rent.>
<Then things got REALLY crazy.>
<The two of us went through 8 terrible room mates in two years, then the land lord wanted to raise the rent.>
<I was the only one paying for anything any way and could not take on any more bills.>
<We then moved out into a house I knew about, but didn’t want to live in.>
<That is about the time we got married.>
<Yes, I know that we shouldn’t have lived together before marriage, I do not advise it for anyone else, and if I could go back and change things I would.>
<This house we are living in now is WAY too small and it is falling apart.>
<We have lived here for over a year now.>
<Most of my stress can be traced to this house being too small, or my pay check being too small, or my wife not remembering something that happened within the last 5 minutes.>
<My younger sister, Pirate Princess, has a new boyfriend.>
<She dated her last boyfriend for 2 years before deciding that he was a loser.>
<She meet this new guy just over a month ago, when she went camping with my family, I had to work and couldn’t go.>
<Last I heard they had started looking for rings.>
<My sister can't stand me, and that is funny because I am told that her new boyfriend is just like me in many ways, only he is older then I am.>
<My sister is 3 years younger then me and is dating a man who is more then a year older then me.>
<My brother Jar Head, was in the Marines, he has gone over seas a number of times.>
<One day he meet a much younger girl and they started dating.>
<If it was me, I would have said “no” to dating her, just due to the age gap, anyway, she became pregnant, then they got married.>
<They now have two children, a girl and then latter a boy.>
True education, true science, true religion is the search for truth.
Matthew 28:16-20, John 3:14-20

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Re: The Family Thread

Post by The_Brigadier » Sat Jul 30, 2011 11:58 am

Well TM, here's my two cents, you can call me an ignorant b*tch if you want, but I'm just trying to give you advice that'll help you. If you don't like what I have to say, then don't follow it.

By the way, I'm blunt and honest. :|

I believe that you're being too narrow-minded about age gaps. Like I said earlier, there are lots of women who will go for an older man because he is more established, more mature, and usually knows what he wants to do in his life. A thing that I picked up from your story is that your father left when you and your siblings were young. A psychological reason why women date older men is because they want a father-figure that they never had (or in your sister's case, briefly). I could be wrong about your sister wanting a father-figure, but ask yourself this question: Was Pirate Princess close to Dad and get to see him often, or was their relationship strained?

Another thing that you said was that Pirate Princess couldn't stand you. Now please take this question seriously: Does she hate you or is it simply sibling love? Does she completely ignore your advice and do the opposite of what you say? She could be dating her man and getting engaged to spite you.

If your sister does go through with the engagement, despite your pleas, here's something that I would do: let her go and let her live her life. You can try to get her to do things that may be best for her, but if she chooses to not do it, then oh well, you tried.

Can take a horse to water but you can't make it drink.
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Re: The Family Thread

Post by Tobias_Marco » Sun Jul 31, 2011 2:45 pm

<Thank you all for your thoughts, I will try my best to 'drink' them in.>
<First let me say that my sister doesn't think very high of my thoughts and if I try to tell her to wait, she just might do the oposite.>
<Also, for the most part, I like blunt and honest, just put down anything sharp first!>
<As for me being too narrow-minded about age gaps, I will say that it is possable. In the case of my sister I said that I wasn't sure how I felt about it, (not that what I think really matters) in the case of my brother Jar Head, on the day of his wedding she wasn't even 21 yet, that is why I say that she is too young.>
<Also, it was our mother who left when we were young, not our father, but your point is still the same. I just want to keep the facts clear, something that I am not as good at as I would like to think I am.>
<My sister's relationship with our father has been strained at times, possably more then I am aware of, as I am not the best at reading those kind of things.>
<As for my sister hating me, I have tried many times to make peace with her, but she just acts like I am a brainless dult for not getting certain things. I have tried my best to make it clear to her that she often goes too far.>
<If she is getting engaged to this man to spite me, then she is getting engaged for all the wrong reasons, and I don't care how good a man he is, anyone would be a fool to get engaged for that reason.>
<I am for all the world to see a full grown man, and my sister is a full grown woman, in both cases this is true physicaly, if not mentaly, (this is as much a jab at me as it is my sister!) with that in mind I don't know how I would change my sister's course if I wanted to, or if trying to do so would even be a good idea.>
True education, true science, true religion is the search for truth.
Matthew 28:16-20, John 3:14-20