Animorphs crossovers parody - Sarimorphs #1

[Dr Sario]

aka I'm Confused
Now, this is plain comedy. I don't have a plot. Keep that in mind.
DISCLAIMER: This is free and I don't own any of the series/characters mentioned.

Chapter 1: Why You Should NEVER Leave Anyone Behind
Marco POV
I was at Jake's place, in one of our Animorphs meetings. The Yeerks were going to use some sort of Morph-tracker that would send data to the Blade ship about where the morphers were, where did they morph/demorph, and what brand of coffee they drank. It might also have other functions, but Erek didn't find them.
"So, Ax, whaddya think?" Jake said after describing the Morph tracker (Mt).
<It is utter nonsense. Yeerk technology has no way of monitoring the coffee consumption of an individual.>
"Yeah, but THAT IS NOT OUR MAIN CONCERN!"
<Yeerks do not have technology. Thefore, they can't track us. JES.>
"JES?"
<Just Enough Slashed.>
"Oh."
"Hm? Well, let's go kick some Yeerk butt!" our resident kamikaze chick Rachel yelled after waking from her coma.
<Yeerks do not have "butts", Rachel.>
"I didn't mean it literally, Ax."
At this point, Jake groaned.
"Let's just destroy it before they start using it", Cassie said, "I'd hate to have them know that I drink Espresso coffee."
"What is wrong with you people?!" Jake asked.
"Yeah, you don't drink Latte", I said.
"Well, let's go destroy it, just like Cassie suggested", Jake said, "Erek said it was kept in the school's basement."

After morphing birds and flying there, we got in with no hassle. We went into our battle morphs.
<Is it just me, or is that thing covered by Controllers?> I asked.
<It is covered by Controllers. And the Visser is over there>, Rachel replied, <Let's go kick some butt!>
<Fine, but destroying the Mt is the priority, okay?>
<OK>, we chorused.
Rachel proceeded to make a run for the Mt, along with Ax and me. Then Rachel suddenly stopped.
<Where's Tobias?> she asked.
<Ooooooops. I think we forgot him>, I said, and then called to Jake, <Hey, Jake we forgot Tobias!>
<You will pay you @%„¤!!> Turns out Tobias is very good at systematic searching. He flew in.
<Look, I was following you just outside the range of thoughtspeech. Do NOT do that again!>
<Hey, enough talk, let's kick Yeerk butt!> Rachel said-as usual.
When we "attacked" the Mt, the Visser kept cool and said:
<Ha! Watch this, Andalite Bandits!> Then he pressed a button on what we had assumed to be the Mt.
A drinks machine reading "Sirius Cybernetics Corporation" materialized.
The Visser pressed the button again while a human-Controller requested tea from the machine.
The thing that materialized was a ray gun, designed for three thick fingers and a thumb, not the Andalite's thumb and six thin fingers.
The Visser pointed the gun at Cassie.
<Ha! I would never have suspected that one of you was human! Let's see, aha. Jacqueline Kennedy. Born 1929. Age 80. Died 1994, age 64. THIS IS DOES NOT WORK!!!>
"Share and enjoy", the drinks machine said. The Visser shoved it at the human-Controller.
The human-Controller sipped and spat it out in disgust, yelling "Grraa Thhphw Chrrrk Ccct!" and died from food (or in this case drink) poisoning.

[Spencer]

Personally I love this style. Its like satire, parody, and plane old silliness all rolled into one. I really hope you choose to continue this, though I have no idea how things are going to end up.

I really love how you've exaggerated the character traits. Can't wait to see how you handle the Harry Potter characters. *evil grin*

[Luna May]

*waits expectantly*

[Dr Sario]

Just in case you can't get a clue of the narration:
Big Nose=Snape
Friz=McGonagall
Old Guy=Dumbledore
Potty=Harry Potter
Rabbit=Hermione
Tagalong=Ron
Dumb Blond=Malfoy
Sidekicks=Crabbe and Goyle

Chapter 2: Why Sario Rips Are BAD For You
The Visser pressed the button again. A bright violet flash, a couple screams and a THUNK later we were on, well, something. Stone, probably.
<That was really violet>, Rachel said.
<Yeah, it was violent all right>, I replied.
<No, Marco, VIOLET, not VIOLENT.>
<You said violent!>
<Did not!>
<Shut up, you two>, Jake said, always the spoilsport. <Ax, WHERE the hell are we?>
<Earth.>
<Anything more specific?>
<Dammit. We're in Hogwarts>, Tobias said.
<Hogwarts? A male swine's skin condition? We're in that?> Ax asked.
<No, we're in the mind of this Mary Sue -infested not-really-an-Universe with stereotypes scattered all around.>
<Oh. I understand>, Ax said, when clearly he didn't.
About ten milliseconds later:
"POTTER! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO THAT CENTAUR?", said a big-nosed guy in a black dress with greasy black hair.
"I haven't! They just appeared there", said a guy about our age with black hair only marginally less messy than Tobias'. He, too, was wearing a black dress.
"We'll see of that!" said Big Nose.
The girl with big teeth and a black dress, about this Potter guy's age, said, "Harry didn't do it, as he said, they just - appeared."
"Yeah", confirmed a tag-along that followed this Potty guy intently. He had ginger hair and freckles by the ton.
Big Nose went to fetch someone called Frizerva McSeagull, or something like that.
When Friz came - in a black dress - she was accompanied by not only Big Nose, but also by this guy who probably predated Noah and was wearing a dark blue dress and had glasses. Friz also had glasses.
"So, what has happened?" said Old Guy.
"Potter-"
"That blue centaur and those five animals appeared", said Rabbit with her big teeth.
"Yeah", said Tagalong.
"Well, I don't know any spells to transform anything into that shape", said Friz.
Rachel decided to demorph.
"Ha! An unregistered Animagus on the campus!" said Big Nose.
"Look, I dunno watcha talkin' bout, but WE'RE TRYIN' TO FIGHT A FREAKIN' WAR against BRAIN-STEALING PARASITES HERE, GET OUT OF OUR WAY, DAMMIT!" Rachel said.
"?" was the universal reply from around the area.
"Just get out of the way."
The rest of us - me, Jake and Cassie - demorphed. Ax and Tobias stayed in their natural forms.
"Four unregistered Animagi on campus! Probably six. Kill them!" said Big Nose.
Ax placed his blade neatly on Big Nose's throat. A Dumb Blond guy took out some elongated laser pointer and shot a green beam from it. Ax ducked. Rachel morphed elephant. Friz took out her laser pointer, and started shooting variously colored beams at us whilst mumbling something illegible in latin. Tobias went polar bear, and started to attack Potty's gang. Rachel stepped on one of Dumb Blond's Sidekicks. I and Jake morphed gorilla and tiger respectively. Tobias rolled into the crowd and made a path trough it. Cassie morphed anteater-but since she'd acquired that morph when she was really tiny, so she ended up being bigger than the castle. Everyone was running for their lives, including the slightly flattened Sidekick Rachel had stepped on. The Visser was nowhere to be seen, so we demorphed, went downhill and found ourselves in a titchy village.
I got an idea.
"Hey, what if we bought black dresses and tried to fit in with those guys?"
Jake turned to face me. "Why, Marco, that's a wonderful-"
"No, no, no it's not! Forget I ever said it! It is a stupid idea! Let's not do it!" I pleaded.

[Spencer]

McSeagul... I lol'd

Ended up bigger than the castle... lol'd again

let's buy black dresses... lol'd hard

[AneeshTheGreat]

Wow, i really don't remember laughing so hard in a really long time. Both were GREAT! Esp "hey jake, we forgot Tobias"! And the "slightly flattened sidekick"!

[Dr Sario]

Chapter 3: Makes You Laugh
So we were in the big castle. We had switched to Harry Potter time, which drags on at a snail's pace (although snails are actually surprisingly fast compared to the pace of one of these books).
No-one objected a bit to our presence at...uh...Grotto-findor? Gryfinger? Anyway, the red-and-shiny-yellow-lion-thing House. Actually Tower.
We had to leave Ax and Tobias on the roof, or in the forest, or wherever they were wandering, since they didn't exactly want to be trapped in morph, and demorphing and remorphing in the toilets would be a bit bothersome.
During the three paragraphs of quick writing I gave there, JKR filled four thousand pages. Urgkh.
"Hey, Marco, tell me which way you hold this twig again", Jake asked.
"It's a wand, and you're holding it the wrong way round, idiot", I replied.
At this point, Harry was too busy trying to stare at Ginny down at the common area to pay any attention to us, and, since this universe was colonized by robots, we were ignored. Cassie and Rachel, too, except that that imbecile Neigh (Nayfill Chambermaid? Negilla Whatever-The-Hell?) was trying to copy Harry and make lustful gazes at her. However, since Rachel was a fast learner, Nestful often ended up paralyzed on the floor while Rachel hummed a tuneless ditty, skipping off the wherever she was headed - usually one of the towers, so she could coverse with Tobias (I'm not too sure about Ax).

Then, one day, we were in the Whoppin' Big Dining Hall, and the roof was, in its usual way, showing some clouds (ie. typical English weather).
"Oh my, there seems to be a... a... an, uh, animal on the roof!" shouted a girl from the Ravingclaw table.
I looked up, and found myself staring at a fairly distant Andalite's underside. I excused myself, walked fast to the loo, and started my wolf morph.
As soon as I could use thoughtspeech, I shouted (in tightbeam, aka only-to) <AX! TOBIAS! GET OFF THE ROOF NOW, DAMMIT!>
<Why?>
<The whole damn uh, school can see you!>
<...Oh.>

[Dr Sario]

As I previously mentioned, I have no idea where this is going. If you find some interesting unverse, tell me. I might incorporate it into this story.

[bindaaskshitij]

"Hey, what if we bought black dresses and tried to fit in with those guys?"
Jake turned to face me. "Why, Marco, that's a wonderful-"
"No, no, no it's not! Forget I ever said it! It is a stupid idea! Let's not do it!" I pleaded.


LOL AMAZING..!!!

This seems damn funny as it is.....

[Dr Sario]

"Hey, what if we bought black dresses and tried to fit in with those guys?"
Jake turned to face me. "Why, Marco, that's a wonderful-"
"No, no, no it's not! Forget I ever said it! It is a stupid idea! Let's not do it!" I pleaded.


LOL AMAZING..!!!

This seems damn funny as it is.....

Thanks. That's what it's meant to be.